U CUD SAVE A LIFE

You could save a life

STROKE: Remember The 1st Three Letters... S.T.R .


If everyone can remember something this simple, we could save some folks.

STROKE IDENTIFICATION:
During a party , a friend stumbled and took a little fall - she assured everyone that she was fine and just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes. (they offered to call ambulance)

They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food - while she appeared a bit shaken up, Ingrid went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening. Ingrid's husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital - (at 6:00pm , Ingrid passed away.)


She had suffered a stroke at the party . Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Ingrid would be with us today.
Some don't die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead. It only takes a minute to read this...

STROKE IDENTIFICATION:


A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke...totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.

RECOGNIZING A STROKE

Remember the "3" steps,

STR . Read and Learn!
Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster.
The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions :

S * Ask the individual to SMILE

.
T * = TALK. Ask the person to SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (eg " It is sunny out today" ).
R * Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS ..

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call the ambulance and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.



NOTE : Another 'sign' of a stroke is
1. Ask the person to 'stick' out their tongue.
2. If the tongue is 'crooked', if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke.

A prominent cardiologist says if everyone who reads this & sends it to 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved.

….and it could be your own…..

BANTA'S DATE ( **** )

cop stops his patrol car when he sees Banta and his girlfriend sitting on the curb. Banta is laying on his side with his pants pulled down, the girl has her finger in his butt, and she's reaming away with a vengeance.

The cop says, "What the hell is going on?"

The girl says, "This is my date. When I told him I wouldn't spend the night with him, he started pounding down the booze. Now, he's too drunk to drive me home, so I'm trying to sober him up by making him puke."

The cop says, "That's not going to make him puke."

She says, "Yeah? Wait till I switch this finger to his mouth."

SANTA'S CURTAINS ( ***** )

Santa enters a store that sell curtains.

He tells the salesman, "I would like to buy a pair of pink curtains."

The salesman assured him that they had a large selection of pink curtains. He showed him several patterns, but Santa seemed to be having a hard time choosing.

Finally, he selects a lovely pink floral print.

The salesman asked what size curtains he needed.

Santa replies, "Fifteen inches."

"Fifteen inches?" asked the salesman. "That sounds very small, what room are they for?"

Santa tells him that they aren't for a room, they are for his computer monitor.

The surprised salesman replies, "But, sir, computers do not have curtains!"

Santa says, "Hellllooooooooo........I've got Windows!"

SANTA IN ICU ( *** )

A man was brought in to the hospital intensive care ward, put in a bed, tubes coming out everywhere. A week later, another man was admitted, in a similar condition.

Both lay there, machines pinging, tubes poking etc. a couple more weeks before one of them had the strength to raise his hand and point to himself and say, "Bengali."

The other patient signaled he had heard, raised his own hand, and said, "Punjabi."

This act tired them out so badly it was a week before the first summoned up the strength to say, "Calcutta."

Other replied in a weedy frail voice, "Ludhiana."

Once more, the strain was too much for them both and they passed out. Days passed before the first patient managed to again point to himself and say, "Asit."

Replied the other, "Santa."

A few hours later, Asit managed to point to himself again and rasp out weakly, "Cancer."

Santa responded, "Sagittarius."

RISING BILL (****)

After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication.

When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief. Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use email.

Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents!

BUSINESS IS GROWING ( ***** )

A young lad to his dad," Dad, I have put a girl into trouble , i need $100 to give her as compensation. The dad gives him $100.
After 2 days the younger son comes and says to dad," I have put a girl into trouble , I need $150 to give her as compensation". Poor dad has no option but to give him the amount.
After a few days the daughter comes to dad and says , " Dad , I am pregnant ." Dad whispers happily,Thank god , the business is picking up now."

7 TIPS FOR GOOD NIGHT SLEEP

A consistent wind-down routine every day can help you fall asleep more quickly and reliably. Try any or all of the following relaxing behaviors for a restful night.

1. Take a hot bath
Your temperature naturally dips at night, starting two hours before sleep and bottoming out at 4 a.m. or 5 a.m. When you soak in a hot tub, your temperature rises—and the rapid cool-down period immediately afterward relaxes you.

Two hours before bed, soak in the tub for 20 or 30 minutes. If you raise your temperature a degree or two with a bath, the steeper drop at bedtime is more likely to put you in a deep sleep. Shower is less effective but can work, as well.

2. Install a dimmer switch
Late in the evening, your body releases the chemical melatonin, which makes you sleepy—but only if it receives the right cues from your environment. "Melatonin is your hormone of darkness—it won't flow with the lights on. You want to transition to dark as early as 9 or 10 o'clock. Sitting in a dimly lit room before getting ready for bed can put you in the right mindset for sleep.

3. Lay out your clothes
You can help your body recognize that bedtime is imminent by setting routines and repeating them every night. Laying out your pajamas, brushing your hair or your teeth—these habits can be very sleep-conducive.

4. Shun p.m. stimulants
Skipping your normal cup of joe—even as early as lunchtime—should help you fall asleep quicker, since caffeine is a stimulant. Having caffeine after noontime is not desired , if you have poor sleep, because it can hang out in the system for a long time.
Nicotine is also a stimulant; smoking to relax before bed can actually do the opposite, revving up your heart rate and keeping your brain alert, says Walsleben.

5. Shut down electronics
You may find it relaxing to catch up on correspondence with friends just before turning in for the night, but the practice may be increasing the amount of time you toss and turn. Lit screens are stimulating (that includes televisions too), so it's best to avoid them. "Before your targeted bedtime, begin slowing down your brain by doing something calming, like reading in a comfy chair—somewhere other than bed," she says. "Stop watching TV and checking email."

6. Wear socks to bed
If cold feet keeping you awake—especially during the winter—warm them up with a soft pair of socks. The extra layer under the covers can help improve circulation in your extremities, which can help you fall asleep more quickly.

7. Limit evening food and drinks
A large meal or spicy snack too close to bedtime can leave your digestive system working overtime while the rest of your body lies awake. And alcohol with dinner—or as a nightcap—may make you drowsy, but it will disrupt your sleep patterns later in the night and keep you from getting the deep sleep you need to feel refreshed.

If you drink a lot of any liquid before bed, for that matter, you may be up throughout the night using the bathroom. "Most adults middle-age and older have to get up at night for this reason, but restricting fluids before bed can help.) If you do get up often, install a dim red bulb in your bathroom; it's less stimulating than bright white light and won't disrupt the flow of melatonin in your brain.

BEAUTIFUL MARRIAGE QUOTES ( * * * * * )

Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the
only thing in life !!

--Anonymous

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Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should
be happier than others.

--Oscar Wilde


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Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.

--Scottish Proverb


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I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for
two years.

--Sam Kim
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Men have a better time than women; for one thing,
they marry later; for
another thing, they die earlier.
--H. L. Mencken


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When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows
why.
When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone
wonders why.

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Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

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When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of
one thing: either the car is new or the wife .


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I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding
her way back to home always.

--Anonymous

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I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
anniversary?" She said,"Somewhere I h! ave never been!" I told her,
"How about the kitchen?"

--Anonymous

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We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

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My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours.
That was only for the estimate.

--Anonymous

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She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then
the mud fell off.

--Anonymous

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She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too
late for the garbage?"
Following her down the street I yelled, "No, jump in."

--Anonymous

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Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses
to get to married.
He says "the wedding rings look like minature
handcuffs....."

--Anonymous
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your
wife yelling at the frontdoor, who do you let in first?
The Dog of course... at least he'll shut up after u
let him in!

--Anonymous

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A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly
parted mother and started back toward his car when his attention was
diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be
praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, 'Why did u have to
die? Why did you have to die?" The first man approached him and said,
"Sir,
I don't wish to interfere with your private grief, but this
demonstration of pain in is
more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A
child? A parent?"The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then
replied "My wife's first husband."

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A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband
leaned over, made a wish
and threw in a coin .
The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned
over too much, fell
into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned
for a while but then
smiled " It really works ! "







--

FRIDAY THE 13th-THE MOST WIDESPREAD SUPERSTITION ( * * * )

The sixth day of the week and the number 13 both have foreboding reputations said to date from ancient times, so their inevitable conjunction from one to three times a year portends more misfortune than some credulous minds can bear. It may be the most widespread superstition in the United States. Some people won't go to work on Friday the 13th; some won't eat in restaurants; many wouldn't think of setting a wedding on the date.

Just how many Americans at the turn of the millennium still suffer from this condition? According to Dr. Donald Dossey, a psychotherapist specializing in the treatment of phobias — and coiner of the term paraskevidekatriaphobia (also spelled paraskavedekatriaphobia) — the figure may be as high as 21 million. If he's right, eight percent of Americans are still in the grips of a very old superstition.

Exactly how old is difficult to say, because determining the origins of superstitions is an inexact science, at best. In fact, it's mostly guesswork.

SALMONELLA-TAINTED TOMATO ILLNESSES REACH 228 ( * * * )

WASHINGTON - The toll from salmonella-tainted tomatoes jumped to 228 illnesses Thursday as the government learned of five dozen previously unknown cases and said it is possible the food poisoning contributed to a cancer patient's death.
ADVERTISEMENT

Six more states — Florida, Georgia, Missouri, New York, Tennessee and Vermont — reported illnesses related to the outbreak, bringing the number of affected states to 23.

The Food and Drug Administration has not pinpointed the source of the outbreak. With the latest known illness striking on June 1, officials also are not sure if all the tainted tomatoes are off the market.

"As long as we are continuing to see new cases come on board, it is a concern that there are still contaminated tomatoes out there," said the agency's food safety chief, Dr. David Acheson.

Government officials have said all week they were close to cracking the case, but "maybe we were being too optimistic," Acheson acknowledged.

How much longer? "That's impossible to say."

On the do-not-eat list are raw red plum, red Roma or red round tomatoes, unless they were grown in specific states or countries that the FDA has cleared because they were not harvesting when the outbreak began or were not selling their tomatoes in places where people got sick.

The FDA is directing consumers to its Web site — http://www.fda.gov — for updated lists of the safe regions.

Also safe are grape tomatoes, cherry tomatoes and tomatoes sold with the vine still attached. That is not because there is anything biologically safer about those with a vine but because the sick have assured investigators that is not the kind of tomato they ate.

What if you did not go to the store armed with a list, or the store or restaurant manager cannot assure that any plum, Roma or round tomatoes came from safe regions?

"If you don't know, don't take the risk," Acheson said.

Cooking also kills salmonella, but the FDA is not formally advising people to cook suspect tomatoes for fear they will not get them heated thoroughly.

Mexico and parts of central Florida, two chief tomato suppliers, are still on FDA's suspect list. But the agency would not say they were top suspects, and in fact, said certain parts of Mexico that were not harvesting when the outbreak began are working to be cleared.

At least 25 people have been hospitalized during the outbreak, caused by a relatively rare strain of salmonella known as Saintpaul.

"At this point, there isn't a lot of data to suggest this is a more virulent strain," said Dr. Ian Williams of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

No deaths have been attributed to the salmonella. But the CDC for the first time Thursday acknowledged that the salmonella may have been a contributing factor in the cancer-caused death of a 67-year-old Texas man.

DYING WISH ( * * * * * )

A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours to live. He goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him because he only had 24 hours to live.

"Of course Darling." she replied. And so they have sex.

Four hours later they are lying in bed and he turns to her again, and says, "you know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do it again?"

Again she responds very sympathetically and agrees to have sex.

Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion, he taps her on the shoulder, and asks her again, "You know dear, I only have 12 more hours left, how about again for old times sake?"

By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.

After they finish she goes back to sleep and 4 hours later, he taps her on the shoulder again and says, "Dear, I hate to keep bothering you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it one more time?"

Well, she turns to him with a grimaced look on her face and says, "You know... you don't have to get up in the morning, but I do!!!"

THOSE 4 LETTERS WORDS ( * * * )

A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.
"Well, how was the honeymoon?" asked the mother.
"Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama, as soon as we returned, Sam started using the most horrible language. He`s been saying things I`ve never heard before! All these awful 4-letter words! You`ve got to come get me and take me home... please mama!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down! Tell me, what could be so awful? What 4-letter words has he been using?"
"Please don`t make me tell you, mama," wept the daughter, "I`m so embarrassed! They`re just too awful! You`ve got to come get me and take me home... please mama!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset... Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Still sobbing, the bride replied, "Oh, mama...words like dust, wash, iron, and cook..."

THATS WAT FRENDS R FOR ( * * * * )

When it comes to friendship, here's what happens.

If a woman doesn't come home to her husband one night, and the next day she tells him she slept over at a friend's house, the man calls his wife's 10 best friends and none of them know anything about it.

If a man doesn't come home to his wife one night, and the next day he tells her he slept over at a friend's house, she calls her husband's 10 best friends-eight of them say he did sleep over, and two claim he's still there.

UMBALO-GONG

Santa and Banta fly to the south sea islands to study the natives. They go to two adjacent islands and set to work. A few months later Santa takes a boat over to the other island to see how Banta is doing. When he gets there, he finds Banta standing among a group of natives.

"Greetings! How is it going?" says Santa.

"Wonderful!" says Banta, "I have discovered an important fact about the local language! Watch!"

He points at a palm tree and says, "What is that?"

The natives, in unison, say, "Umbalo-gong!"

He then points at a rock and says, "And that?"

The natives again intone, "Umbalo-gong!"

"You see!", says the beaming Banta, "They use the SAME word for 'rock' and for 'palm tree'!"

"That is truly amazing!" says the astonished Santa, "On the other island, the same word means 'index finger'!"

HOW SAFE IS INSTANT MESSAGING(IM)

The number of interested parties eager to listen in on your online conversations, including what you type through instant messaging, has never been higher.

It's trivial to monitor unencrypted wireless networks and snatch IM passwords as they flow through the ether. Broadband providers and their business partners are enthusiastically peeking into their customers' conversations. A bipartisan majority in Congress has handed the FBI and shadowy government agencies greater surveillance authority than ever before.

The need, in other words, for secure IM communication has never been greater. But not all IM networks offer the same privacy and security. To chart the differences, CNET News.com surveyed companies providing popular IM services and asked them to answer the same 10 questions.

One focus was how secure the IM service was--in other words, does it protect users against eavesdropping? It's been 12 years since the introduction of ICQ in 1996, and 20 years since the Usenix paper (PDF) describing the Zephyr IM protocol that spread to MIT and Carnegie Mellon University. By now, encryption should be commonplace.

We found that only half of the services provide complete encryption: AOL Instant Messenger, Google Talk, IBM's Lotus Sametime, and Skype do. To their credit, not one service says it keeps logs of the content of users' communications (a certain lure for federal investigators or snoopy divorce attorneys). For connection logs, Microsoft alone said it keeps none at all--though Google and Skype said their logs were deleted after a short time.

Encryption is important. If you're using an open wireless connection, anyone who downloads free software like dSniff can intercept unencrypted IM communications streams. WildPackets sells to police an EtherPeek plug-in it says can intercept and decode unencrypted IM conversations in wiretap situations (plus Web-based e-mail, VoIP calls, and so on).

All surveys have limitations, including ours. The fact that IM encryption is used is insufficient; it could always be a poor choice of an algorithm or there could be implementation errors that allow it to be bypassed in practice. Our survey will not be the final word in this area.

Jabber is worth a special note. While nearly all of our survey respondents use proprietary, closed systems, Jabber is based on open standards set by the Internet Engineering Task Force. Formally called XMPP, Jabber lets organizations run their own servers and tends to be more flexible.

Google adopted it for Google Talk, and other clients that support Jabber include Apple's iChat, Adium (OS X), Trillian Pro (with a plug-in), and Psi. Jabber uses encryption both to log on and to protect conversations once a connection is established. We didn't formally include it in our survey because anyone can set up their own Jabber server with their own configuration.

Facebook Chat is the least secure and privacy-protective of the lot. As far as we can determine, it fails to use encryption to protect logging in (thus passwords can be gleaned) and fails to secure the conversations, too. We'd like to tell you more about Facebook Chat, but the company sent us a one-line e-mail message saying it was refusing to answer the same questions that its competitors did with little fuss.

We intentionally left out Apple because its iChat software uses the AOL Instant Messenger network. Macintosh users who have purchased a .Mac membership can activate encryption for IM, audio and video chats, and file transfers.

ONE LINER

• Two men were talking. First: I got married coz I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house n doing laundry. Second: Amazing, I took divorce for the same reason! • Teacher: Who is Mahatma Gandhi? Modern day Student: He is the one who helped Munna Bhai to impress his Girlfriend! • It's a fact: A girl may not help u to get lot of salary but... salary may help u to get lot of girls. So, love ur work not girls! • One of the biggest problems of the world is that the stupid ones are damn sure & the intelligent ones are full of doubts ! • When gambling became legal in the city, everyone agreed that the city was now a bettor place. • There was the scientist who disconnected his doorbell. He wanted to win the Nobel Prize.

GENERATION GAP :BRIDGED ON WEDNESDAY

9/11 MASTERMIND WANTS DEATH SENTENCE

GUANTANAMO BAY NAVAL BASE, Cuba - Khalid Sheikh Mohammed said he would welcome becoming a "marytr" after a judge warned Thursday that he faces the death penalty for his confessed role as mastermind of the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.

Mohammed and his four alleged co-conspirators each face death if convicted of war crimes including murder, conspiracy, attacking civilians and terrorism by hijacking planes to attack US landmarks. The murder charges involve the deaths of 2,973 people at the World Trade Centre, Pentagon and a field in Pennsylvania where passengers forced down their plane.

MISSING LIGHTHOUSE LOCATED

WELLFLEET, Mass. - Local historians for decades thought the 30-foot tall lighthouse that once overlooked Wellfleet Harbor had been taken down and destroyed in 1925.
Turns out, it had just been moved to the California coast.
The fate of the cast-iron tower was uncovered last year by lighthouse researchers and reported by Colleen MacNeney in this month's edition of Lighthouse Digest.
MacNeney told the Cape Cod Times in Wednesday's edition it was her most exciting discovery.
Wellfleet historian Helen Purcell says the discovery of the lighthouse at Point Montara, 25 miles south of San Francisco, was a genuine shock.
MacNeney says she discovered correspondence that proved the lighthouse, first erected in 1881, had been moved by the Coast Guard from Wellfleet to Yerba Buena, Calif., and eventually to Point Montara.
There is no known documentation explaining how it was moved across the country, MacNeney said.
But Jim Walker, chairman of the Cape Cod Chapter of the American Lighthouse Foundation, speculates that because it is metal, it could have been disassembled bolt by bolt, with the pieces then transported by rail.
The lighthouse is still used as a navigational aid and a hostel.

ROLLER COASTER

What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.
"Well, I went to the Amusement Park at the weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn`t make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn`t see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view."
"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor.
"Yes."
"What did it say?"
"Don`t stand up in the car!"

SECRET CRUSH

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, surely I can't look that old. Well, you'll love this one.

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 30-odd years ago.

Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?

Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey-haired man with the deeply lined face was way too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended DAV Sr Secondary, Chandigarh.

"Yes. Yes, I did," he gleamed with pride.

"When did you graduate?" I asked.

He answered, "In 1975. Why do you ask?"

"You were in my class!", I exclaimed.

He looked at me closely. Then, that ugly, Old, Bald, Wrinkled, Fat ass, Grey-haired, Decrepit son-of-a-bitch asked: "What did you teach???"

ATTRACTIVE WIFE

Morris was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his face.
"I’ll never understand why the biggest shmucks get the most attractive wives."

His wife replies, "Why, thank you, dear!"

HUSBANDS AFFAIR

A married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady 60 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel.

Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. 'I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce.'

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 65 mph.

The husband speaks again, 'I don't want you to try and talk me out of it,' he says, 'because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are.'

Again the wife stays quiet, But grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 75.

He pushes his luck, 'I want the house,' he says insistently.

Up to 80.

'I want the car, too,' he continues.

85 mph.

'And,' he says, 'I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!'

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her, 'Isn't there anything you want?'

The wife at last replies in a quiet and controlled voice. 'No, I've got everything I need,' she says.

'Oh, really,' he inquires, 'so what have you got?'

Just before they slam into the wall at 85 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles, 'The airbag.'

WHAT STARTS WITH "F " AND ENDS WITH "K"

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Harry: '9.'

Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!

Harry replied: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'

Harry: 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'

Harry: 'Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'

Harry: 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling..

Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'

Harry: 'Firetruck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.....'

EIFFEL TOWER TO GET A RIVAL

The Eiffel Tower will soon be getting a rival for the French capital's skyline when a 71-storey landmark skyscraper is built in La Defense on the edge of Paris.

French architect Jean Nouvel, the recent winner of the Pritzker Prize, the Nobel of architecture, has been selected for the construction of the colourful, high-tech Signal tower, which at 300 metres is almost as high as the Eiffel Tower.

It will contain offices, luxury apartments and shops and will also be the centrepiece of an attempt to remake the La Defense office ghetto into a 24-hour city, rivalling the “old Paris”, reports The Independent.

The project was launched by President Nicolas Sarkozy in 2006 when he was the most senior local politician in the wealthy suburban departement of Hauts-de-Seine, just west of Paris proper.

Jean Nouvel said his building could become “the first expression of a new centre for the development of a Greater Paris ... without replacing the historic centre.”

HONEY: A MAGIC REMEDY FOR COMMON DISEASES

You have been keeping a hawk's eye on your body weight and are a regular at the gym. You also drink lots of water and fiber-rich diet. You even follow experts' advice on taking care of your hair and skin. But what about those eyes? How do you protect them from the stress that is caused by working long hours before the computer? Well, here's an easy answer to that: Take the traditional route add a little honey to your daily diet.

Yes, whether its your grandmother, or the neighbourhood doctor, everybody will agree to this fact that honey not only helps protect the eyes, but also help improve your eyesight. While there are plenty of home remedies from honey, we bring you a few here:

Perry Kharpuri is a researcher based in Shillong, a place well-known for it's large-scale honey production. Perry's advice is , "mix two teaspoons of honey with carrot juice and consume regularly", to improve your eye sight and cure problems such as watering of eyes.

In cold, cough and congested chest, two teaspoons of honey with equal quantity of ginger juice should be consumed frequently. This is one of the oldest and most popular remedies that millions of Indians already follow. The other such popular remedy is to take one spoon of fresh honey mixed with the juice of half a lemon in a glass of lukewarm water in order to get cured of constipation, hyperacidity and obesity.

Now, Swapan Debnath, a homeopath says that honey can help control your BP as well. According to him, two teaspoons of honey should be mixed with one teaspoon of garlic juice and taken on a regular basis.

Maheep Kohli owns a bee farm in Moga, Punjab and she has a few honey-based remedies up her sleep as well. One of them is a mixture of honey, ginger juice and black pepper powder, mixed in equal quantities. When consumed thrice daily helps to relieve symptoms of asthma.

However, here are also a few words of caution from Maheep: Always make sure that the honey you are taking is not heated, avoid taking honey when you are exposed to high temperature.

And last but least, never ever mix honey with hot and spicy foods and fermented beverages like whisky, rum, brandy, etc. Honey includes nectar of various flowers some of which may be poisonous and when it is mixed with hot and spicy foods, the poisonous properties get enhanced, sometimes to the extent of being fatal.

CHEERS TO HEALTHY DRINKING

In Punjab, where a majority of the people prefer a glass full of Lassi, a traditional curd-based drink to beat the heat, several outlets are now offering fresh fruit juice-based health drinks.

One such popular outlet in Chandigarh is 'Bloom'. Many people say that if you are in Chandigarh, you must savour the delicious and healthy food and fruit juices offered at this place.

The Ayurveda-based health boosters have been formulated by a group of highly experienced doctors and is claimed to be 100 per cent organic.

Bloom boosters are a rich source of alkaloids, glycosides, anti-oxidants, vitamins and other essential nutrients and make an ideal substitute for the missing nutrients in our body.

It's the brainchild of Amit Roy Sharma, a non-resident Indian who felt the dire need of a health drink bar in his hometown Chandigarh.

Sharma, CEO of Bloom Juices Private Limited, said: "Each time I came to India, I struggle to find a health drink, snacks and food in the market. So I thought, not just in Punjab, but across the country, there is a real opportunity to serve people healthy and nutritious drinks as well as healthy foods. So, we experimented and researched on that. We found that the market is having appetite, as people are becoming more health conscious. There is nothing parallel to Bloom that offers people something like this in market."

SATANIC STARBUCKS

	A man died and went to straight down to hell. The devil greeted him and gave him a guided tour of the place. He told the man that there were three rooms he could chose from in which to spend eternity. The first room was full of flames so hot the man couldn''t even breathe. He told the devil that there was no way he was choosing that room. So they moved on. The next room they came to was full of people who were being beaten and tortured. It looked so painful the man could not watch. He told the devil he definitely didn''t want that room, and they moved on. The last room they came to was full of people who were just sitting around drinking coffee and relaxing. The man looked for a while and then told the devil this room would be all right. The devil gestured for him to sit down and the man took a seat. He did, sipped his coffee and felt really pleased with his choice. After a few minutes, a voice came over the loudspeaker and said, "Break time is over! Time for another 10,000 push-ups!"

CONGRESSMAN'S MONEY

	A thief stuck a pistol in a man's ribs and said, "Give me your money." The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You cannot do this, I'm a United States congressman!" The thief said, "In that case, give me my money!"

NO SMOKING DAY SPECIAL

THE DOG'S DUTY

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog.
The children fell to discussing the dog`s duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he`s just for good luck."
Then a third child brought the argument to a close...
"They use the dog," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant."

AIR CANADA

A guy sitting at an airport bar noticed a beautiful woman sitting next to him. He thought to himself, "Wow, she's so gorgeous she must be a flight attendant; but which airline does she work for?"

Hoping to pick her up, he leaned towards her and said, "Love to fly and it shows?"

She gave him a blank, confused stare and he immediately thought to himself, she doesn't work for Delta.

A few seconds later, another slogan popped into his head. He leaned towards her again, "Something special in the air?"

She gave him the same confused look. He mentally kicked himself and scratched American Airlines off of the list.

Next he tried "I would really love to fly your friendly skies?"

This time the woman barked back at him "Man, what the fu*k do you want?"

The man smiled, then slumped back in his chair, "Ahhh, Air Canada".

BARTER

As US tourists in Israel, a man and his wife were sitting outside a Bethlehem souvenir shop, waiting for fellow tourists. An Arab salesman approached them carrying belts. After an impassioned sales talk yielded no results, he asked where they were from.
"America," the husband replied.
Looking at her dark hair and olive skin, the Arab responded, "She`s not from the States."
"Yes, I am." said the wife.
He looked at her and asked, "Is he your husband?"
"Yes," she replied.
Turning to the husband, he offered.... "I ll give you 100 camels for her."
The husband looked stunned, and there was a long silence.
Finally he replied, "She`s not for sale."
After the salesman left, the somewhat indignant wife asked her husband what took him so long to answer, to which the husband replied, I was trying to figure out how to get 100 camels back home."

UPSIDE DOWN

A blind man was traveling in his private jet when he detected something was wrong. He made his way to the cockpit and got no response from his pilot.
The blind guy then found the radio and started calling the tower
"Help! Help!"
The tower came back and asked, "What`s the problem?"
The blind guy yelled, "Help me! I`m blind... the pilot is dead, and we`re flying upside down!"
The tower comes back and asked, "How do you know you`re upside down?"
"Because the shit is running down my back!"